September 20, 2007 dont forget to fix this
Several weeks ago I was standing in a hotel room and happened to look in the mirror. I had forgotten an important part of my childhood. When I was a boy, I dreamt of a zipper down my back. I knew of a man inside me under my skin. I wished I could let him out. I wanted to remove my coat of skin so I could wash him. His body had been covered in dirt and grease. His eyes sunk deep in his head and his eyebrows furrowed. His skin was blemished and his hands cracked and broken. He was working so hard. I could see him behind my own eyes. I wanted to sit him down and serve him anything he needed. I would give him water and a razor to shave, and scissors to cut his hair. He would feel a little less brutal to me if only he wasn’t covered in all this dirt and shame. I thought I could make it better.
I had forgotten. But he is here now. I can feel him surfacing. That space between my blood and skin is massive, big enough for a complete angry giant, faster than all of us. My fear has grown because I have not served him. My only hope is that he has grown with me and suffered. Maybe now he will have some compassion. Maybe now his hammer will not fall on me and break my legs. Why why why did I ignore? I had the chance to reason and get out of a debt I was incapable of paying. Time is a funny thing. Everyone knows its too slow when your young and too fast when your old. My only excuse is that my imagination was so strong that I was able to block it out. So all has not been forgotten. I must go now. My time to fix and calm has come and gone 3 times too many. What choice do I have? I have tried now for weeks to rationalize my situation to the behemoth. Standing and fighting is no good. But running only makes it worse. Stand and face your punishment my friend. You have had…a good run.
July 31, 2007 THE REASON WHY
What the hell the tortured boy was feeling, I am not sure. "Why am I here?" Maybe because I made a life on not standing up for myself. Anyway Mark knew what I meant. It wasnt the sort of question about the meaning of life. Literally what am I doing here RIGHT NOW! In this moment of my life. I was standing in downtown Sydney Aus. on a very busy street. I was trying not to get run over because I am constantly looking the wrong way for cars. This is now a flash moment. I am stunned. Life changing daily affirmations are just that for me. Everyday. So why is this different? To answer that without burying myself...I have to go back to March of this year. Our record cycle started out with some uncertainty. Combine that with a very rigorous tour schedule and little sleep. But then Rose, our long time manager and friend was diagnosed with lung cancer and reluctantly had to tell us.
Rose has been our rock. She wont let us slow down or have it affect our career. She never asks for help and told us not to worry. So we did our best to make her happy and respect her wishes. So on we go. Lots of shows, some 7 in a row. All leading up to the release of Vena Sera. Fly shows, home shows, tv shows, showcases and some stressful press shows. Busses broke down, drivers changed, crew changes and gear problems. Some alcoholism, one vicatin OD and the mother of band problems, being robbed of everything. We had nothing. Not a guitar, a stick or a pic. But our crew worked 20hours a day for 8 days and got every favor called in. People still got pissed and one station even dropped our single because we postponed the show. What is a band supposed to do?
Rose didnt let on that her treatment wasnt going well. She still maintained that we should see her after this tour. I should have known. But she talked about our plans for Chicago and how she was moving there soon. She was really looking forward to getting back to a big city. She lived in NY for 30 years. It was a little strange to be away from that. We were planning a big party for after we got back from Australia. She said she needed that time to recouperate. So on that Sunday, I talked to her and said goodbye and left for a 24 hour flight. Off we go.
Dave from the Butterfly Effect picked us up in Brisbane and we had 2 days to get acquainted with the city and the jet lag. Its very pretty here. The cities are clean and the people are nice. The kids like rock music. The country is beautiful and like nothing I have ever seen before. We met great people and had some best shows ever. But its hard to communicate when you are in a foreign country, and we had a huge problem with phones. The time difference is 15 hours as well. We got a message that Rose had taken a bad turn. We called right away. I could here the distance in her voice. She tried to tell me everything was ok. Then we got cut off. I couldnt get back ahold of her. I tried and tried and tried. We should have left right then. She passed away the next day.
Bill called us early to give the bad news. Our hearts broke. We were so far away and couldnt be with any of our friends or family. I wanted to go home. We had a show in Brisbane that night. Pete was already sick and we were defeated. We had a problem with our monitors and petes guitar amp. Halfway thru "I get it" Petes voice gave out on him completely. He walked off stage. He said "I cant do it. I have nothing." People chanted "bullshit". Everyone has a bad day and this was ours. We went back out and finished the set. What else could we do?I am sorry that this is one of my memories of our tour in Australia. But it is.
Rose treated everyone in her life like gold. Especially us. I miss my friend. She never spoke one hard word to us. Always encouraging and loving. Selfless and fun. If she was around then it was a party. She worked in the music business for most of her life and affected everyone she met. Roy Orbison sang her songs. She was never cheesey and always stylish, never paid anyone lip service. She was the best judge of character anyone ever knew. She didnt fall off the turnip truck...she jumped off. She will be missed every day by everyone that loved her. And everyone loved her. We love you Rose. Rest in peace.
May 31, 2007 Really?
It sucks cancelling shows. I know it sucks for people who paid for a ticket and made plans to go to a show, but its also a huge let down for us. We had to cancel 5 shows because all of our gear got stolen, and now we had to cancel our show in Myrtle Beach because Pete has the flu. We really are sorry for missing these shows and we will make them up. Pete is the one guy in the camp that CAN'T play when he is throwing up. I know I have done it. Dean has a puke streak so he never yaks. We tried to make Pete better but we just plain ran out of time. So...sorry folks. We will make it up though. Thanks for being understanding.
In some good news, the new single is coming out on June 12th. It will be the song "I Get it". I know its a weird song for us but after Pete wrote the melody it really got stuck in our heads. A lot of our friends say its the best song on the record. We are all hoping people get it and it makes an impact at radio. Its a little difficult because rock radio has been disappearing. Its up to all of us rock lovers to keep it alive. And in other good news, we managed to recover some of our gear. We got the trailer back, as well as our Mesa amps and in ear monitor system. We also got some personal property back, so thanks to all of you who wrote in and helped out. We didnt get the guitars back though. Also most of the drums. But its still more than we expected.
We are also getting ready to go to Australia in July to play to a bunch of people who have never heard of us. Its very much a new beginning. Literally starting over. I love going to new countries and learning about other cultures. We also like trying new beer. I am going to try to treat it like a vacation and take a chance to look around. Its just cool to get the chance to go to the other side of the world.
I guess I will get back to Pete now. I am going to go to the CVS to get him something to settle his stomach. Peace and Cheers to you all. Sam
